Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
