dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
