sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
