bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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