I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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