So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
