I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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