Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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