ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize