Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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