Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
