Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
