I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize