a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
