Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I deserve this hangover.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize