he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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