the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
