I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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