Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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