it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places