meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
