Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.

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(505): I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse. http://tfl.nu/niyb

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(562): View more from California

you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

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(562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u

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(214): View more from Texas

Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.

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(214): Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going. http://tfl.nu/mf3d

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(512): View more from Texas

I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.

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(512): I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time. http://tfl.nu/q10l

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

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(715): guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off http://tfl.nu/qflt

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?

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(403): In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong? http://tfl.nu/dmf6

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(805): View more from California

Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.

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(805): Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency. http://tfl.nu/lpqm

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito

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(702): I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito http://tfl.nu/vmgk

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(714): View more from California

I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.

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(714): I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/d04x

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(952): View more from Minnesota

She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.

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(952): She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high. http://tfl.nu/dd7j

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.

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(610): Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours. http://tfl.nu/ytnd

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(314): View more from Missouri

And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...

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(314): And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb... http://tfl.nu/trz3

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(571): View more from Virginia

Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face

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(571): Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face http://tfl.nu/2tes

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(719): View more from Colorado

Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.

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(719): Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fluu

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(916): View more from California

I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.

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(916): I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/r9ng

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