gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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