He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.