The maid of honor just puked.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?