Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem

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  (810): none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem http://tfl.nu/6j6s
  Replies (6) Good night (816) Bad night (1393)
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  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

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  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2563) Bad night (656)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
  Replies (15) Good night (568) Bad night (5051)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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  (630): I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else http://tfl.nu/09lv
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (747)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (18022) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

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  (610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3
  Replies (10) Good night (1371) Bad night (3547)
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  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3308) Bad night (861)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.

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  (702): And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now. http://tfl.nu/so7u
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (3285)
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  (619): View more from California

  he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up

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  (619): he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up http://tfl.nu/8iri
  Replies (5) Good night (2062) Bad night (897)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  There were penises being pulled out everywhere.

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  (216): There were penises being pulled out everywhere. http://tfl.nu/fw5r
  Replies (17) Good night (2000) Bad night (756)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.

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  (214): The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship. http://tfl.nu/tn77
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (668)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.

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  (732): That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go. http://tfl.nu/exr6
  Replies (5) Good night (1477) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.

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  (412): I am the sex elephant in the room. Again. http://tfl.nu/d7uz
  Replies (5) Good night (1057) Bad night (448)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.

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  (540): Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today. http://tfl.nu/qos3
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.

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  (412): What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC. http://tfl.nu/n5ed
  Replies (13) Good night (306) Bad night (492)

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