If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you