It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.