Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

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(530): View more from California

before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(973): View more from New Jersey

well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(804): View more from Virginia

he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

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(954): View more from Florida

We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.

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(281): View more from Texas

I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.

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