peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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