Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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