I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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