I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
