she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
