I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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