take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize