So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
