it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
