exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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