the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
