please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
