respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
