i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
