i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
