wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
COCAINE IS GR8
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
