I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
