I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're too hungover to prance.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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