Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dick has a subreddit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
