You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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