After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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