Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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