Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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