I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
