She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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