Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
