Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
