Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
