I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize