how can u be prego again
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize