You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
