I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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