That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
