i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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