dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
