He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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