This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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