I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
