How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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