Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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