I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
