Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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