I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
