Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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