I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
